not for kids

Anyone here ever been pregnant in New York City? Please raise your hand.
You? And you?
So did the behavior of friends, coworkers and even passersby change towards you at all?
Yes, you in the front row.
"People I barely knew started asking me personal questions in the office. Some of them even patted my belly without asking!"
"Yeah. At restaurants people frowned at me if I ordered fish. Or coffee."
"The thing that bothered me was perfect strangers telling me disgusting horror stories."
"They kept telling me what to do with my own body! With this attitude."

There are only two other situations in which people think they have a right to tell you how to live:
If you smoke or if you drink. (You will be immediately struck dead if you do either while pregnant, so nobody will have to tell you anything.)
My friends and family have been complaining to me about my addictions.
Let me see, now. I have been drinking far too much lately, and yes it is making me fat, and yes, I have heard that that it can affect my liver. Someone told me that smoking is bad for you, too, and I'm pretty confident studies prove it.

Yet there are some other self-destructive behaviors that you all might want to be on the lookout for in the people you love or in, for that matter, perfect strangers who are making your medical costs or taxes higher or just plain bothering you:
Extreme weight gain or loss
Bad marriages
Fingernail biting
Profligate spending
Infrequent dental visits, mammograms and colonoscopies
Keeping irregular hours
Not eating five servings of vegetables or fruits a day
Too many kids
Obsessive/compulsive disorder
Listening to excessively loud music
Not enough exercise
Having unprotected sex
No seatbelts

I'm sure I've forgotten a lot of things.

But remember, you especially owe it to your near and dear to do an intervention if you observe such self-destructive behavior. Because their business is your business. Because you love them. Call them on it. They'll thank you one day.
Unless they're really, really contrary.

Oops, I think this post was meant to go on whatismyfuckingproblem.com
Or maybe whatisyourfuckingproblem.com


Claudia said...

I forgot methamphetamines. Definitely worry about this one. Unfortunately incarceration is usually the only answer.

Anonymous said...

is whatsmyfuckingproblem.com a real blog site? I drank too much at lunch and I am estressed and hungry. Where can I find sanctuary tonight?

cba said...

Well, I almost bought a Pegase 50 in Taiga leather at LV, New York, for $2,650.

But I didn't. And I really needed another suitcase, too.

This proves I do NOT, repeat, NOT, have a shopping addiction.

So, no need to intervene on me. I don't have a fucking problem. And if someone thinks I do, then Like, I Care???