christmas letters

Yes, 'tis the season of the Family Annual Report, and boy am I looking forward to it! (I have this one cousin who does the whole thing in the worst imaginable doggeral, which sounds even worse when she reports that something bad has happened—there's no way you can really brighten your dog's death or your husband's losing his job.)
This year's haul kicks off with the following from my sister:

"Here we are again! And guess what? We don't have anything to say.
Don't get your hopes up, though, we'll say it anyway."

That pretty much puts the genre in a nutshell, don't it?
Please weigh in with such portions of your own holiday reports that you don't mind the rest of us laughing at.
With, with. Laughing with.


Anonymous said...

you mean like: wow, its been a great year for us. Adam sold his business to google for just over 900 million (inching towards the billionaire club ;-) and now is focusing his energy on his passions, like flying experimiental aircraft and open water America's Cup sailing. Cary's philinthropic activities are bearing fruit - they are naming the new cure for breast cancer after her! Take that Melinda Gates! and little Kaitlin has been accepted VERY early to Harvard, Yale, Princton and Oxford, but is deferring her admission to focus on her swimming, where she is favored in the 400 and 800 free in the Olympics, having been named the sporting news scholar/athlete of the decade! We are thrilled!! Merry Christmas, hannikah, kwanza to you and your failures...tee hee.

Anonymous said...

I feel like such a loser.

Anonymous said...

De accuerdo

Anonymous said...

Thank Goodness, Christmas is finally over! We are all SOO tired!

Kyle really enjoyed her Christmas, although she decided she didn't want her big present from Santa this year! First she said she wanted a pink bike with pink wheels, then she said a pink bike with white wheels would be ok.
Phew! Were we lucky! They don't make pink bikes with pink wheels, at least there aren't any at your friendly Hartford Toys R Us! Or even at Walmart!

Then the little tyke decided she didn't want the bike until her next birthday, and all this, TEE HEE, after her mom and dad went and shopped at three different stores and bought her a pink Tropical Splash Bike, an 18 incher with a purple seat.

Our cats had a good Christmas. They got a can of Starkist Brand flaky light tuna in natural spring water, and know what? It had LESS FAT PER OUNCE than the all white tuna! Life is so suprising!

Max is our boy cat, well, I guess he's only sort of a boy now, since we had him neutered last year. It was a hard decision to make, because he was really happy chasing all the little (and BIG) girl cats around, but...
Anyway, since we had him fixed, he's really been focused on his food dish! It seems to make him happy, but WOW! He weighs about a hundred pounds, and spends most of his time lying on his back, because he is JUST TOO FAT TO MOVE!

How are we doing otherwise? Well, Rich has been doing a really first class job of recovering from his heart attack He jogs, and just won't eat ANYTHING WITH FAT IN IT! Way to go, Rich! But...he's having a lot of trouble SLEEPING! Why, he hasn't really slept well since the heart attack. He has theses pesky "leg spasms" that keep him tossing and turning all night! Wow, who would've thought that missing a few good night's sleep would've been SOOO tiring?

I guess there is something to that age old adage, "don't forget to get your beauty sleep!" The doctors say it's something called RESTLESS LEG SYNDROME, and there are lots of different medications you can take for it, like valium. But hey, in this house, WE SAY NO TO DRUGS!! So...

Claudia said...

The post was prophetic: In a matter of hours I got my cousin's Christmas letter.
The first couplet, and I am not kidding, reads:

"Tony's lifestyle finally caught up with him this year.
He had to stop smoking but is still drinking beer."

Tony must be my age. Amazing that he's not related by blood.

It gets worse from there, and my cousin must realize it, because before signing off she writes:

"Now this poem is really starting to become a bore
So I'm hoping one of the kids next year will asume the chore (it needs new blood)"

Sooo, Happy Holidays, Angel!