10.31.2013

haunted



In 2005, I wrote the following on Why I Can't Stop Smoking:

It was midnight on Halloween, known by the Wiccans as Samhain, or New Year's Eve. I killed them by fire, I killed them by earth, I killed them by water.
Or, in normaltalk, I tried to burn up the rest of my cigarettes but even with a bunch of wooden matches stuffed in they wouldn't burn (what IS that chemical?). So then I stomped on them. And then I was afraid they might still be burning so I poured water on them. Then I threw them in the trash. The ocean might have been more romantic for me ("and then I cast them into the waves, as a stone weighing down my life"), but probably not for the ocean itself, which has enough trash floating around in it already.
It hasn't been too tough to quit since, because I've been asleep. Happy Day of the Dead.
Why I can't stop: I will always be a smoker.

But, indeed ,I did stop smoking.  Except in my dreams, where I have a cigarette once in a while. Then I tried to stop drinking, which, like smoking, I have tried to do over and over. However, I mourned a friend dead of liver disease last night. And it is again Samhain. The time seems propitious.

More about Samhain.

4 comments :

otra rubia said...

You stopped. And I'm going to stop doing some things and start doing some others.

Patricia Guadalupe said...

claudia your blog is wonderful.

Patricia Guadalupe said...

and I have to steal these lyrics from James Taylor because they so aptly reflect how I feel:

I've seen fire and I've seen rain. I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end.
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend, but I always thought that I'd see you again

Kate Knapp Artist Blog said...

amazing that you can "give up " anything...it is all so difficult until? until all at once it just seems to be possible...amazing