Some people might be jealous of what we did yesterday. Yesterday we visited Angelina at her Country Estate known as WEIR FARM that is now a National Historic Site and part of the National Park Service. Need I mention that it is in the enviable Fairfield County where if you have a car wreck the likelihood is that it will be with a Range Rover? Need I mention that Angelina is the Executrix of said estate? Would you like her to sing you her Executrix Song? Does the whole thing just make you so totally jealous?
Well, if it does, you're not alone. Many many people are jealous of Angelina, and of me for knowing her. This jealousy has become so oppressive that we have formed a support group to deal with it. We call it Jeal-Anon, a group for people trying to deal with others' green-eyed monsters. We're not jealous ourselves, naturally. We already have everything everybody wants! Yes, I even found a parking space right in front of the building when I got back from Angelina's.
So you see. You are right to envy me. It's just that I find it so hard to cope with. But I have the support of my friends who are all in the same, satin-lined boat. Angelina. Brad, of course, a charter member of Jealousy Anonymous. Paris Hilton. And so many others. You know their names. Even if we don't know yours.
12 comments:
The Twelve Steps of Jeal - Anon
1} We admitted that we were naturally superior, and that everyone we knew was jealous of us.
2} We came to believe in our Greater Power.
3} We made a decision to put our wills and our lives first and foremost in all our affairs.
4} Made a searching and fearless list of our virtues and attributes.
5} Admitted to God, and to anyone willing to listen, the exact nature of our superiority.
6} Were entirely ready to have all of our friends acknowledge our superior attributes.
7} Proudly asked all of our friends to admire us.
8} Made a list of all persons who were jealous of us, and sent them all
e - mails telling them we KNEW they were jealous.
9} Made direct accusations whenever e - mails alone didn't work.
10} Continued to take our personal inventories, and add up how much we were worth.
11} Sought through investment and acquisition to improve our standing in the community, purchasing only items guaranteed to make others Pea-Green with envy.
12} Having got it, we flaunted it.
Jeal-Anon mottoes:
Keep it Simple: I'm Perfect
Admit it- You Envy Me!
Instead of being jealous, everyone should just try to BE LIKE US. It's not that hard! I mean, I have this estate, and Brad. Claudia has a parking space on West 82nd, and Ed. Hannah has youth and beauty, and Toby has a keen mind. The Danbury News Times and the tabloids today were both full of headlines about me and Weir Farm. Do I think Brad will cheat? Well...he's a mens, isn't he? Need I say more? If he cheats, I'll just take some valiums.
I have something that Angelina doesn't have...the Digmy!
At one time, I know she wanted to marry him and have his child, but I got him first, and he's all mine!
He's even bigger and better now!
She ocassionally borrows him, but he always finds his way home!
How can she compete with that!
Actually, I know for a fact that Angelina is jealous of you. She may also be jealous of him, because he has you. I think you both should join Jeal-Anon and we can all help one another.
I am not jealous! Everyone loves ME more! Good grief. A little precision please, people. Get with the program!
I just want everyone to know that there were five women at my house this morning and they were all so jealous of me that they ended up having to leave. First, though, they did compliment me on my looks. I was dressed and making breakfast before leaving for my real-life job...and they were sprawled out on the livingroom floor, still drinking from the night before. They all work at a bar and looked at me like I was everything that they wished they were. Then they left because they just couln't stand being around someone as perfect as me. I felt bad to drive them away...but what's a woman to do? I guess I am just better then them.
PC: "How come everyone likes you more than me, wtf?" (wtf=what the fuck)
CC: "Well...i mean...most people like me better....doesn't that make you jealous?? I am a member of jeal-anon...simply because i am better than so many people and now i can tell them all about it! Aren't you jealous???"
PC:"Dearest Citichild,
I came to the conclusion that it's not that people like you more, it's that they don't know any better. They are intimidated with my presence, and they wouldn't know that they could talk to me directly if they wanted, granted as long as I am not doing anything more important, and that is well... pretty much all the time. So you see that it's a common mistake that they talk to you first, I hope you understand and aren't too hurt.
Love "THE" Photochild"
CC: "My Heartfelt Apologies,
I am so sorry to hear that you have come down with a case of the believing-you-are-better-than-me's. This so often happens to the people that I am close with. You state, quite truly, that you are most always doing something that is more important than other people. That something is paying attention to me. And yes, it takes up most of your time, there are so many things about me to admire, I can see why everyone else thinks you are busy. With all my wonderful attributes, how will you keep up with the compliments?!?!!
I really hope that your jealousy of me does not impact our relationship..o.r your relationship with your work (which, for the record is to make me happy). I realize that this might be a hard time for you to acknowledge all of this, so feel free to take your time.
Love "princess" Citichild
Aparently my likeness in looks has awarded me the name instead of you, house of hat executrix. Jealous...I would hope so!!!
Yo see what they think of me!! HA
"My dearest Angelina-
You are right once again. How can I keep up with that many compliments, let me count the ways.
1) Your face makes angels cry and turn away with disbelief that God has blessed a single human with such features and free will to do with them as they please...
2) Such an intricate design is only proof that there is a higher power and he is just...
I could go on, but I dare not take any more of your precious time.
I can only hope to, as a simple man as I am, come within a distance as another persons photos to such a face without shedding tears of my own.
I regret making public such a thing, but soon may have to for the sake of those less fortunate.
I want the people of this humble Earth to know what face could make angels cry.
Your humble admirer,
PC"
Wow. They all do love me the BEST. I am almost humble in the face of such praise. However....
I think I am missing a jealousy chip...is there a 12-step program for this?
We can give you a white chip after your first meeting. Is that the kind of chip you mean?
The chip Brad is missing
...the emotion one..I need
the jealousy one...White is not my favorite color..does
it come in other colors..and
can I choose the color I want?
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