5.21.2014

green with envy

the house next door

north of the border
I do not covet my neighbor's house nor my neighbor's wife nor my neighbor's ass, but I confess to coveting my neighbor's grass. And look where lawn envy can lead you: right into the briarpatch.
   Urged on by my desire for more greensward, Dada chainsawed a couple of gigantic rosa multiflora trees (curse the day this invasive thornbush escaped Edie's sister's garden) (don't worry I still have plenty left) (Dada was rewarded with Lyme disease carrying ticks), and I spent a day wallowing in sawlike tendrils. Talk about a burning bush. I would dearly love to douse these with gasoline. Threw them in the ditch instead. May they rot in hell and suffer other biblical plagues.
  And as accompaniment to this post, have a listen to Brad Paisley's "I'd Like to Check You for Ticks."

3 comments:

Jimmy "The Lawn" Sponducci said...

TWO PROBLEMS WITH ONE SOLUTION!

O.K. I got an idea what can solve both of youse problems.

You need to spice up youse collumn, o.k.?

Youse is pissed at the nabes with their swanky lawn.

O.K. The solution... simple. I know you been to da other island.. Keewa or like that there.

Bring over a pair o' dem feral hogs from dat island to dis island.

The hogs do like the deer. Be fruitful an' multiply. Even better, theses hogs, what they do best, they TEAR UP da turf.

So.. soon the nabes fancy lawn don't look so good. Your lawn, it don't look so good anyway.

You got somthin' to write about, an youse can relax about keepin' up with da nabes.

Just don't let dem hogs dig too deep, if youse catch my drift.

Kate Knapp Artist Blog said...

I think maybe the nabes need ta be wearin them cement shoes pretty soon if that lawn keeps getting on your nerves...ya think?

Lynn O said...

OMG Claudie I had no idea that was next door now...McMansions r us in BI now??