Who knew that so many people wish Roberto Clemente were with us today? At Latino Sports on the Grand Concourse in the Bronx, the baseball star is memorialized in photographs with an 8-year-old JFK Jr. (odd that both would later die in plane crashes), in commemorative tickets, T-shirts and even on old boxes of cornflakes (some with the cereal still inside). You may wonder why I spent an hour plus in Julio's store. Well, Dolores has a brother whose 50th birthday is coming up, and he's a huge Clemente fan, so.
We also looked at real estate. Here's what $399,000 can buy in the Bronx: A beautiful 1890s brick row house with back yard and rental unit in the basement. At the first one we visited, we were looking around at the lavish murals on the wall (murals are big in the Bronx) as the lady of the house was on the phone with the police about a domestic violence report. She was telling them that she was very "estressed" when a knock on the door opened it to Two Enormous Cops. She almost dropped the phone. Dolores and I looked confused, and the First Cop said, "We're here to arrest everybody in the house." He quickly added, "Just kidding." Turned out they sell real estate in their lunch hour and were here to meet us about the property. Phew.
And here's what $155,000 can buy in the Bronx: A huge one-bedroom coop with a large terrace on the 18th floor overlooking Manhattan from the Empire State Building to Spitin' Divel and clear to New Jersey with a direct shot down to Yankee Stadium and the site of the new Yankee Stadium. You could watch the game in your bikini with a pair of binocs. And hear it too, probably. Also, the bathroom fixtures are daffodil yellow. There are murals (of course) and a fountain in the lobby and 24-hour doormen. And it's just up the street from Latino Sports. Great spot for a baseball fan. Maybe Dolores's brother will go for it. She doesn't seem convinced.
fair warning: on block island or manhattan or in missouri, we can be a little salty
5 comments:
Cher: I have had the most fabulous idea yet. And even as we speak, I have that bad Rick on the phone, who is refusing to cooperate with my plan. I just told him if he had been more sympathetic, and given me a healthy outlet for my energies by hiring me, he wouldn't have me appearing as a gorilla at his door! But will he hire me as his amenuensis? NO! Even after I controlled myself, and refrained from wearing the Carol Channing wig to his seminar! No gratitude whatsoever.
So I thought I could rent a gorilla suit, and Rick could take me with him to work, preferably to one of his rich Republican clients out at Lake Oconne. Then I thought, Leonard and I could both dress in gorilla suits, and be a "husband and wife gorilla team" that Rick bought when he was in Morocco last winter. Leonard would be the silverback. He and I would start out "gardening", digging and rooting around in the soil in peaceful gorilla-mode, and then gradually wax more and more "wild", eventually uprooting and tossing all the plantings.
Wouldn't that be fab?
Well, Rick isn't co-operating. So Leonard and I have decided that we will rent the gorilla suits, and just tear up our own backyards. Or maybe I'll serve breakfast at the bed and breakfast, dressed as one. Then I can write it up for the social column..."Unable to find suitable domestic help locally, Leonard is trying something completely different! Currently assisting Leonard at table is Konga, a female lowland gorilla from the Oubangi River region of central Africa. Konga comes to Leonard from Atlanta's Rent-a-Primate, an equal opportunity employer.
only here would he keep his job
> "A state prosecutor in Florida's island city of Key West was under arrest after he reportedly ran naked and drunk across a parking lot and hopped into the wrong car, a newspaper said yesterday. Albert Tasker of the local state prosecutor's office told police he had been drinking with friends and thought it would be funny to take off his clothes and run to a friend's car in the parking lot, according to the Florida Keys Citizen newspaper. But Mr. Tasker, 28, apparently got into the back seat of the wrong car, to the distress of the woman in the vehicle. The legitimate occupant screamed and called her boyfriend, who telephoned police."
>
> - American Scene, Washington Times, 2/23/05
Okay, so surfer g, could you live in the Bronx? Tell me true. Disculpeme Dolidolor, pero pienso que es bien differente por las blancas -- las blancas rubias. Or have I turned into a narrow-minded racist? It just that no quiero vivir una vida urbana intensiva. Quiero la belleza, una vida suave, como en la Isla Block. "People LIVE like this? People actually LIVE like this?"
What is it like in the Bronx? A lazy but inquiring mind wants to know.
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