a man, his car, his dog

This is a person who likes antiques. Except when it comes to girls and dogs—and even then. . . He is also a man who takes apart 18th century houses and puts them back togather on your land. His website is stephenpmack

smoked salmon run

Gotta go buy out Zabar's, then Home Depot. Spending the night with the Mack attacks, then buying out Super Stop n Shop. Then I'll get on the ferry with many many bags to unload.
"What's for dinner?" (My second least-favorite phrase, right after, "What's for lunch?") takes on a whole new meaning when you're trying to plan dinners for, say, a month in a single shopping session. But carpenters have to eat.

hi ed!

Everybody say "hey" to Dangerman in Ukraine.
Even if he does work for the you-know-what news channel.

one site to another

It's time to say goodbye to the guys repointing the fascade of the building. They've been hanging around my windows for months now, fifteen stories up, in the howling winter wind, singing songs in Spanish and pounding on my walls. I wake up early to close the windows, but still a layer of fine cement dust settles. I have to remove the air conditioner and window guards and windowsill plants in case they get to the airshaft wall before I come back. Should I knock on the window today and give the guys sandwiches and cokes?

building permit

This is the amount of paper needed to apply for a building permit. Architectural drawings, engineering drawings, site plans, wind sheer tables.



FYI
Kinko's charges by the square foot for large xeroxes. Total price: $225. This day.

site work

Problems getting to the ground, never mind off it.
An exchange with the Septic Maestro:

Claudia—If it appears I've been avoiding you, you're right. I've
got at least one and a half systems to do before I can get to surf
city. Maybe you should get the footings in before we do the septic system. If they are concrete there will be lots of digging and pouring traffic
which will be hindered by septic. DBD

Dave—Well, the house is on piers. The holes will be dug by hand, footings poured and bricks laid. I was rather hoping that you would do the site work as well, which basically is moving some bushes and giving the mason room to put in his footings. The site would be where all the biggest bushes are, naturally. I suppose I can find somebody else (and the luck of the Irish to me) to do the site clearing. Maybe.
When do you think you might get around to me? Gulp.

Claudia—I'm heading out today and will be out for the week. We can certainly take bushes out when we have the machine there. I didn't know if you needed stuff cleared before we get there. When are you there?

Soon, I guess, since I have to hump hay around before any digging is done.

angelina, don't marry him

In honor of the maybe nuptials of Angie and Brad, and the for real wedding of their prototypes, Hannah and Chris, we reissue this neo classic by Spogga.

why i need new tires, part two

So anyway, I got the new tires. Only 40,000 mile warranty. For $30 bucks more coulda had 80,000. Said to the guy, "This truck has 118,000 miles on it. I don't think I need a really long warranty." So for $225 or so, I was outa Sears with two new tires I didn't really need. Well, I really needed one of them—the one that had been slashed while parked in newark, NJ. What with the Valvoline oil change ($40 something) and the gas ($61), I was not exactly a happy vehicle owner by the time I reached NYC and found:
a freaking movie shooting in my neighborhood that had caused all cars left between 79th and 86th of Riverside Drive to be towed
After feeding a meter until 10 pm and moving the car at 8 in the morning to a lot, I was even less all about car ownership than before. I am so out of town next week.
And maybe breaking ground.

why i need new tires, part one

For one thing, the guys love a truck. Perhaps that is why the morning after this bank-run heist, I woke up to a Mack attack. This man, his girlfriend and his very large dog bundled into bed with me at 6:30 am, pretty much an unconscionable time for socializing in the winter months. Just as well I got up early, however, as I didn't want to tax the spare tire by leaving that heavy load in for too long.

the signing

There's something about owing a million bucks until long after I'm dead that I find a trifle intimidating.

off island

Today I close a mortgage on my old house to be able to pay for the new one. And not a moment to soon—the floating home equity loan that has been floating me has floated above the cost of this fixed rate I'm closing. Goddess willing. At 4:30 this afternoon in Cranston, RI. Beauty spot of the Providence area. Not.
Probably a good spot to buy the two new truck tires, though.

a quick survey

"That's good for wood!" The Surveyor yelled. She had recovered some from the extremely rough crossing we made on the 9 ayem boat. Her helper did the staking, and I did the bushwacking, and the corners of the building were marked—not to mention a certain portion of the nextdoor neighbor's driveway that goes over my line.
"I was a little worried that the client was coming out, and that she was a New York City type," confessed the Surveyor. "But you were OK."

frame this

Dear Architect:
You know you're well and truly in the soup when you're unemployed, in debt and you start writing out checks for $30,000.
I am signing off on the timber frame today.
I hope, in your experience, South County Post and Beam knows what they're doing, because I am just closing my eyes and signing. These drawings mean nothing to me.
Yikes.
Yr friend and sometimes client,C

Dear C:
South County does know what they're doing. If you'd like I can review the first round drawings. Probably a good idea, for tweakage purposes.
It'll be a beaut. South County owner excited about the project. You're in good hands.

it begins

The big assent is finally in place. I began the process in October 2004.
To recap, I had to get Historic District, Planning Board, Zoning Board and Conservation Board permissions from the town. I had to get Department of Environmental Management and Coastal Resources permits from the state.
My next building project will be far from watersheds, viewsheds, historic communities and protected terrain in rural Missouri or Arkansas where you can do anything you want anywhere. Maybe a retirement community where you read novels and ring for bon-bons every few minutes.

flat city

One of the new tires I purchased at Bailey's Ford last fall. Fortunately, I had just gotten OUT of the Holland Tunnel. No Visible Means of Lost Support.

point of no return

The deed is done. Most of the Save-the-Date cards (a concept I had never even heard of a few months ago) were mailed an hour ago. Now all that's left is a house to build, a party to plan and the prenup agreements.

my amazing bed

I slept in my own bed last night after an unanticipated stopover in Chicago due to ice on the runways in New York. Ah, spring. But it was fun. The Drummer picked me up and took me to his house and cooked me breakfast in the morning before returning me to O'Hare. My suntan has about peeled off, the stack of bills towers and there are a lot of dirty sheets and towels (hey, thanks guys!) but it's home. For another couple weeks, anyway.

well

So. I'm meant to be returning to Norte America manana. What do you think?

coral seas

We set sail—or rather, Miguel started the motor—in the morning. After passing a couple whales, we reached the Marietta Islands, place of blue-footed boobies (or patas azules), deserted beaches, bright fish and vicious coral. There we dropped anchor and threw ourselvs overboard. Antonia snapped this pic before I got the cuts in my foot.

vacation from vacation

So the Motelier told me tto visit the Hotelier, a friend from parts north.
And we did. More anon.

where r u

Where is everybody? I'm back in semicivilization.

senores at work

The senores start pretty temprana in the manana, long before we are planing to be awake. But given that this view of them and the girders they're assembling with welding torches and hammers is right out the window of the kitchen, where I'm sleeping, they have become like members of la familia. They seem to believe me to be the cub's madre rather than that of the wolf child. And they deplore the fact that I sit around reading while my daughter-in-law scrubs the wash in the pila.

white people swimming

another scene altogether

Yep. Uh huh. Si senorita. Yo soy en Mexico con mi hija. Wolfen and the Cub were having a fine time opening all the credit card offers that had come across my transom in the past few months, sticking the stickers all over their heads and legs, filling out mail-in forms and planning for life back when they're ex-ex-patriots.

okey dokes

All is Okay at the OK Corral—and this really is the OK Corral even if you can't read it—and all is really Okay at my own personal corral. Checked into the Coastal Resources Management Council website today and found out that MY PERMIT HAS BEEN APPROVED! Yes, the very same permit I began applying for for in October of 2004.
The only permit I need now will presumably come from the buildings offical. Who I believe will be forced to issue it to me against his better judgement. Well, maybe not. But when he finds me in his office day after day he may well relent.
Anyhoo.
OK!

these old trees

The old dudes, the Rat Pack types who used to live here, were deeply into symmetry.
It's awfully hard to imagine what my weather links tell me is happening in New York and the Island. Called BI Bro to see if they were still standing. He said, while they lost power for a while, it was back on before major harm was done. I guess the house plants I put outside on the windowsill in New York are dead. Apparently, given the tiniest crack, snow is filling the living rooms of the D line.

house tour

We walked around the neighborhood and looked at the houses. Elvis owned the one at bottom, and apparently honeymooned there. Right around the corner is Marilyn Monroe's former cottage, with it's overly lavish plantings. And closer still is one of Liberachi's several houses in the area. It's for sale. Statuary included. The top house, a new one but more in the classic mid-century modern style, is said to have been purchased by Madonna. Yes, there are Living Stars here too, although many of them, like Lily Tomlin, are getting on.

mid mod

This is what alternative energy looks like in Palm Springs. The wind farm is one of the first things you see as you drive across the hills from L.A. Row upon row of collossus—colossi?. But you would think that there would be acres of solar panels as well where the skies are not cloudy all day and the roofs are flat as is so appropriate for mid-century modern desert architecture. Mid century modern, by the way, means 1950s brightly colored molded plastic (like those ahem pink chairs in my living room so much disparaged by some of the fans), a lot of futuristic parabolas and long, low, glass- curtained buildings. More pix anon.

grandpuppy

It's important to wear white when painting masterpieces. The grandbaby learned this from Nana J, who learned much of HER sartorial wisdom from Milena Says. Nice that it's being passed up and down the generations like silver patterns.

sorry, moxie

I already have a boyfriend. His name is Louis L'Amour. Kind of says it all, doesn't it?

lola has a bath

Safe and sound—well, pretty sound—at Ruby Zee Montana's fabulous CORAL SANDS INN in Palm Springs, Calif. Nobody here but me and the dogs and Her Fabulousness in person. One of the dogs is very clean, if not that happy about it.

the new sweater

OK, cats and kittens, you won't be hearing from me for a day or so, and thus I render unto you Another Doggie Picture, hoping it will keep you happy until I'm back witcha from Ruby Montana's Coral Sands Inn where there's always doggie action. Yes, pet lovers, from here on out it's all chihuahuas all the time. And—oh yeah—they have some bitchin' outfits too.

woman of mystery

NEWARK An unidenitified woman in the Ironbound area refused to allow me to park my truck in her 5000 square foot loft. However, swirling her cape like a matador, she seduced me down the street and into a row house where a Portugese woman in pyjamas, for a hundred dollars cash money, directed me to a parking space I could call my own for the next month. The driver of the car in the next stall will not be amused when he or she tries to get out without clipping our fenders. I woke up the next morning and for a second, I didn't know where the truck was before remembering—ah, yes—steelbound.

aloha, amigo

Received the picture and the following message from Antonia this morning:

"Well, I guess Moxie has overheard us talking about going to Mexico, and he has his own ideas about it. He came down this morning dressed like this. . .
I guess he heard Sayulita was a surfing town—maybe slightly confused w/ the whole Hawaii/Mexico logistics."

knife and gun club

So in answer to J's question, right outside of the peace zone, there is a little war zone, with the Afgani rug, the Nachtway photograph of the Sudan and the detention bench. If you can make it through these obstacles, you can bathe in serenity and light.
Or you could, before men with power tools started carving up the other side of the wall.
To add to the cacophany, the knife-sharpening man came by the other day with his dingadingadinga. I gathered up all the knives that somebody has been too busy taking care of puppies to sharpen and ran downstairs in the rain, climbing into the 1951 refitted Chevy van with all the knives and sissors I could immediately lay hands on. Wish I woulda had my lawnmower blade.
Anyway, in this place we can really protect ourselves now."
PS J, note the height of the narcissus in window.
PPS Thank all of you for clicking on so many ads in January. We made $42.59! I won't be doing another fundraiser for a while, so rest easy.

un-design

In honor of the Year of the Dog, I re-fengshui-ed the NY digs. Despite the use of the year's auspicious colors and directions, however, I haven't had a good night's sleep since changing my bedroom around. I may have to un-fengshui it—maybe in October or so, when I return.
Yes, I know. Not the greatest advert for my new career. Want me to do your house?

fancy meeting

"Claudia!"
"Hey—"
We were at Pastis, the bistro where Desperado and I used to hang out back when we were TV stars at Oxygen. He was behind the bar; I was meeting an editor.
Whoops, there he was. Gotta go. Later.
"My daughter's ex boyfriends litter New York," I told the editor. "There's one behind the bar. A filmmaker."
So we ate bar steaks and those great fries. He offered me a gig in China and okayed one in Egypt, neither of which I have time to do. And while he was in the men's room, I snatched a word with the bartender. His film about his search for his Iranian father is "almost done." POV is looking at it this week. This is cool. And then, "Say hi to your daughter. I hope. . . "
"She's getting married."
"I heard. It's what she wanted to do," he said.
"Right," I said. The editor was waiting. "Gotta go—bye."

happy new year of the dog

According to the Phillipine Daily Inquirer, Year of the fire Dog will bring a period of optimism, industry, growth and regeneration. Idealism will trump cynicism, fidelity, deceit and true leadership will take over from cockiness (last year was the Year of the Cock—no big surprise). There will be peace and harmony in the home, romance may appear unexpectedly and people who had never considered settling down will do so.
It is also a very good year for Tigers to build and invest in real estate.
But I knew that. Check out your future in DOG YEARS

lo lite

When we met her thirteen and some years ago, it was her 62nd birthday. We celebrated then in Pokara. She was back in Nepal for her last birthday, too, so we trekked down to the Lower East Side to hold a belated celebration with five of the original seven sisters.

last ditch pitch

The fight continues. I finally got—after a year—the last piece of paper I needed to submit my final application to the environmental powers that be. FedEx-ing to the Coastal Resources Management Council, state of Rhode Island within the hour.

ford's fengshui

The cruise control can sometimes spontaneously burst into flames, even when the engine is turned off. Having the recall attended to semed like a fine idea, particularly while I was on jury duty and could not move the truck for alternate side of the street parking.
The valet parkers took the truck, and I strolled onto the sales floor. They had fengshui-ed the place with an aquarium on both floors, but it clearly hasn't been working. I took the truck in on the day Ford announced plant closings and the laying off of 30,000 workers.
I walked down the river to pick it up (above). They fixed the cruise control for nothing but noted a number of other things that needed to be done totalling $1000. Upper control arm r & r ($410), wheel alignment ($183), wiper blades ($59!), coolant flush ($180) and fuel/emission flush (clean jets? $177).
Just put $3000 into the thing last summer. My feeling is that if I have this work done, I might as well buy a new truck. While there's still a Ford Motor Co.

it's working

a man in the kitchen

Always a good thing.

driving me coco

Another e mail from my Asian friends. . .

Dear Auntie Claudia,

I can assure you that not only Mrs. Li exist, so does Coco Li, aka, daughter of Mr. & Mrs. Li. My mom and I, with a bit influence of Merlot, had a long heart-to-heart chat last night with regard to my father's indecipherable infatuation for blondes over internet. My mom told me that my father had never seen a Blondie before he left Chengdu, China in the early 1980s but soon after he arrived in the States, he had long been poisoned by the decadent, capitalist fleshy publication which is as easily accessable and affordable as a bowl of Chinese noodle soup in Chinatown. I do not agree with my mom that he needs therapy. Beneath his quiet facade, he's actually quite likeable, intelligent and articulate. I do not mind that he uses my computer but I don't like the cookies he has attracted to my laptop. He does monitor his stocks but both my mom and I know very well that his AOL stock really sucks.

cocoli

bicoastal relationship

year of the dog indeed

I, Claudia, received the following e-mail from a person I had no reason to believe existed. No wonder Courtny Li has been attempting to deflect me to her widowed and thus UNmarried father. Ohmigawd!

Dear goddess or whoever you're and where you're,
Now I finally understand why my fu-king sits in front of our daughter's computer early in the morning and late in the night typing away, claiming he's monitoring the performance of his stock and commodity.
Buuullshit. Let me tell you, his stock performs badly, and he performs even worse in bed. Trust me, I've experienced this for nearly a quarter of a century. However, please do not let my note discourage you from writing him, for the only time of the day when he feels alive is when he's sitting in front of computer. A little bit of secret grin is often revealed that is combined with an unfamiliar satisfaction and yearning. I know this man needs help. Next year for our Chinese people is the Year of Dog. I think it's more suitable to be the Year of Shrink, one for my husband, one for me. Do you think you may need one as well? Perhaps we can all go to the same shrink and ask for discount.
Yours, Mrs. Li

bagua me, baby

One of the principles of fengshui is that beams and pillars interfere with chi, or the flow of energy. The cure for this is sometimes held to be mirrors placed on each side of a pillar and, perhaps, wooden flutes dangling from beams.
Hmm. Let's see, I'm building a post and beam house.
I need a gross of mirrors and flutes.

despite the stars

I checked all my horoscopes to find an auspicious day to sign a contract to pay $127,000 for a timber frame and OSB paneling to go over it. Apparently, there is no such day--well, I only checked yesterday and today--so I went ahead and signed it.
In the teeth of advice from my sister.
In the teeth of advice from my brother.
In the teeth of advice from my accountant.
In the teeth of advice from my financial advisor, Dangerman, who, ironically, likes safer investments.
They would all like to know how I'm going to pay for it, and they think maybe I could do it cheaper. However, it's like the old saying: Fast, Good, Cheap--choose two.
I'm going for it.

and she shopped

This is Jay doing what she does so well at a really nice store called Really Great Things which is really nearby or I really wouldn't have been in the store at all. The really best thing about the store is the mother-daughter team who run the place, Rande and Bernice. Jay liked a lot of the clothes but being as she doesn't do as much black tie these days said that the Prada flats and wool jacket by Junya Watanabe for Comme Des Garcons that she had already bought at serious discounts were more practical. Barely, in my opinion.
It had never occurred to me that Rande at Really Great Things would zero in on me when I let fall that Wolfen's wedding dress was similar to one of those shown—I haven't been fashionable in years.
"My mother and sister are making the dress," I hastened to explain.
"Her dress," said Rande. "I'm talking about your dress."
"My dress?" I asked. "I haven't worn a dress since. . ." Hmm. Probably since Jay's son (my stepson) got married.
"You have to wear a dress to honor Wolfen," said Jay.
"I don't know that Wolfen will consider it an honor," I said. "But I'll do whatever she wants, of course."
Jay and I xeroxed site plans on the way home. And we watched Love Monkey (see reviews on last blog entry), and then she packed up her treasures into rather more pieces of luggage than I own. At 6:30 ayem, Jay and Mr. Classical got into their cab, leaving behind a small furry puddle flattened to the floor who didn't want to go for his walk.
"What's wrong with Moxie?" I asked Antonia, as she headed off for another day of shooting Love Monkey.
"He's been like this since they picked up their suitcases," she said. "He's depressed."
Moxie and I went back to bed.

coulda joined a motorcycle gang

"Be at the Red Rock at 3:00." The instructions were clear. I could be an extra in the TV show premiering today in my favorite bar in the Lower West, one where I used to get inspiration for the latest entry in "Sex Lives on Videotape," the series Desperado and I once did in a building nearby.
But did I hasten to the Red Rock to belly up to the bar with the rest of the extras, a motorcycle club? I did not. I thought it was too cold outside and lay on the sofa and sniffled instead. Dope. I coulda been in Hollywood. Don't forget to watch Love Monkey, the show I could have been on, tonight.

and who's walking the dog?

"Terry Mann wants to know what key the two songs he's doing tomorrow are in." The voice is efficient with a touch of schmooze. It's tough being an assistant director. You have to figure out everything from how to transport 150 people to the studio in the event of a transit strike to calming the talent by ascertaining that a certain score is in the key of G. Anyway, tomorrow at 9:00 you can see the fruits of Antonia's organization on the premier of the new CBS series Love Monkey.
Which, when you come right down to it, is why I have a dog tugging at my pant leg right now.

ad revenues

So far this year: $15.48.
Can't get no pedigreed pup for that kind of chump change.

whose dogs are these?

fengshui this

Filling out forms is not a forte. Not sure whether it's because my handwriting is so bad or because my brain so defies the need to categorize my life. Or maybe it's just that I don't want to even consider the answers to such questions as: "What is your annual income?" "How much does your homeowners' policy cost?" "When do you break ground?" "What is your current interest rate?" "How old are you?"
However, when your accountant tells you you are being an idiot, when the IRS duns you for back taxes, when you need to refinance a mortgage, when your homeowner's insurance dumps you and you have to sign contracts to spend hundreds of thgousands of dollars, you have to fill out a shitload of forms.
And, baby, I don't have Acrobat Writer to do them in PDF nor do I have a functioning typewriter. Fill in the blankety blank blanks.

position wanted

Needed: a feng shui practitioner in search of an acolyte. You would think, with my many contacts in Asia (two) it wouldn't be hard to track down an introduction. But alas, one of my two contacts has the following to say: "Frankly you're your own master of ying and yang and of feng and shui. You have all the right chi—life force. But just remember to possess is to be possessed. I don't know who said that, but I kind of agree as long as I have two Leicas."
Not particularly helpful. So I ask you. Do you know anyone who knows anyone in the world of feng shui who might need a partially Chinese speaking aging blond broad with expertise in the I Ching to help out around the office? Preferably in Taiwan or China?

annual fundraising attempt

Has anybody told you lately you're beautiful? You're beautiful! Love ya! Mean it!
*for the year

mortgage me

Just picture a half-finished house looming in the left of the frame. "The site of the building I believe could be okay, at least to get the ball rolling here," said the man at Coastal Resources. "Just get the application in and we can get started." So I'll finish the application, go up to the island to get the last piece of paper I need for the application, and walk it into the state office building. Then I'll leave the country.
Real estate. The Artist has just bought a house and is in the process of renovation. Angelina just found out that an offer she made on a house near the Artist's has been accepted. Looks like I'm on my way to moguldom. Now all we have to do is figure out how to pay for it. Credit cards?

something

not

card game with fish

zamboni at work

winter conditions

Headed north in the rain/snow for Just One More celebration. Depending on the weather, may have to stop for a load of something or other in the back of the truck. Dirt? Gravel? Radiators?

necessities

happy 2006

At the time of this post, the party was continuing. . .