This is the best help wanted ad I've ever seen:
CARPENTERS
If you drink, do drugs and don’t show up, you need not apply--you already work for us. Call Randy 304-4736
for other job opportunities in Key West
This will be my life in a year should I ever get this project off the ground. The prospect fills me with foreboding. Maybe I should buy a nail gun, then at least I'll show up.
In other construction news, the Mt. Airy Honeymoon Lodge in the Poconos is auctioning off its furnishings next weekend, including the Engelbert Humperdink room and scores of red heart-shaped bathtubs. Tell me, do you think I could pull off a red heart-shaped bathtub in my tasteful beach house or have I totally lost my mind? And where will I keep it in the meanwhile?
fair warning: on block island or manhattan or in missouri, we can be a little salty
Cher: I think its a must. And not just any heart.... a heart with a history! Make sure you pick out one with good karma.
ReplyDeleteLeave the bathtub in the yard. Let the carpenters laugh at you. And don't buy a nail gun. I once had a boyfriend who shot himself through the...well, different story...just take it from the ground up. DON'T BUY ONE. Go for a new vibrator. That's what we purchased for my household today. It is much easier sharing space with someone and their vibrator than someone and their boyfriend.
ReplyDeleteWhere you are thinking of building has the same want ads so you will need that nail gun to start the project. The bathtub is a must
ReplyDeleteand until you have the house to put it in you can fill it with water and put plastic ducks with pink flamingos around this and call it creative landscaping.