curiosity killed the carpet

One of the Miscreants

Dear Madam,
 It is I, Nose Bite Kitty, Esq., AdvoCat with the French firm, Les Felins por la Justice.  It has been brought to my attention that you, or rather, a member of your household has been the victim of abuse. The victim, your carpet, has reached out to our firm seeking justice.
Rest assured we have the four miscreants in custody. They would like to know how they can make amends to you for the grievous harm they so thoughtlessly perpetrated during their visit to your lovely home.
We await your response.
Sincerely, Nose Bite Kitty, Esquire

Dear Nose Bite Kitty, Esq.,
Not to worry. We have no need of legal services.  No redress is required. The four presumed feline felons actually have done me a huge favor. Their frantic attempts to claw their way to a Certain Party's sleeping quarters has FINALLY pushed me to begin the project of re-doing the Wing.  Because of their actions I now will change the GLOOMY wall color and remove the HORRID grey carpeting that I always have hated from the first day I saw it.  I'll get a new floor in its place and it will be cat- and dog-proof.  If the four hadn't tried to claw beneath the door, I'd probably not have begun the job.
   I have begun to cover the green walls of the CAT DUNGEON room with Kilz.  Once the walls are white (I'm trying Alabaster from Sherwin-Williams) in the whole wing, the carpeting can come up and be hauled away and out of our lives forever and ever.
Sincerely, Owner of the Injured Party (i.e. Carpet)