this lovely item—sold?

No, not the pictures! This very distressed fireplace mantel.

    I put the following ad up on Craig's List a couple days ago, and got an immediate response.  
     Unless you have a taste for extremely faded grandeur, you are not going to like this item. I bought it from a housewrecking demo company in Pittsburgh for like $150 maybe twenty years ago. I enjoyed the illusion of warmth with some sleazoid fake electric logs for a long time. But then the logs burned out, and the mantel hung lonely from the wall. These days you can buy awesome electric fireplaces (see Amazon, Home Depot). But they lack a certain something: They look too unorganic. So I'm suggesting (if, indeed, you have the aforementioned taste for decayed opulence) that you purchase this piece for a pittance and transport it to somewhere its glories will be fully appreciated. I'm picturing a white boxlike apartment that needs zest. It measures about 53" high x 57" wide. The top is 62"x10" and I must disclose that it slopes alarmingly so may not be that suitable for chachkas. The opening (for that fine new firebox) is about 34" square. It's gonna be a cold winter.

   Note the dimensions.  Well, the woman was so excited, she said her sister and friend would pick it up immediately. Note that I clearly specified the dimensions above. They came, we carried it down to the lobby, it didn't fit in the car, we put it in the basement. Yesterday, same thing. The woman and her boyfriend came in a minivan cab, in howling wind and subzero weather attempted to get it in, didn't fit. They may try again today, but, frankly, I would give up. Meanwhile, another woman wants it. I figure my ad was convincing, because, much as I like it, it's a heavy piece of junk.