ozark breakfast

As you can see, the Ozarks have already had a deleterious effect on someone. . .

My House Guest and new Ozark Correspondent, CBA tried to post the following as a comment, but she was so intoxicated she made it too long and lost it. Herewith:

It's 8 a.m., and I am getting in character for returning my hostess's gas grill and propane tank to Walmart. The day before yesterday she was doing one of the two things she does best: Having Friends to Dinner.

The other thing is, obviously: Having House Guests. In this case me, The Sometimes Helpful Guest.

Why, I wondered, when I arrived last night, was she so distressed at the thought of taking something back to the store?

This morning, over a beer or two, she spilled the beans. And the coffee, of course.

I Reckon We're Retarded, but here's the way it was:

In preparation for "The Dinner", in this case grilled steak, pork chops, and fresh vegetables, my Hostess went to Walmart to buy a gas grill, a tank of propane, a bottle of wine, and a cartload of other necessary items. All painstakingly chosen over the course of nearly two hours.

Now in some parts of the country, you can load all these items into your cart, and proceed to checkout. But here, in West Plains, you have to buy the wine in one area, the gas outside somewhere, and everything else at the front of the store.

Well, she didn't know this.

So not only was she chastised by the Walmart staff for having a propane tank in the store and alcohol in the grocery aisle, she lost her cart altogether when she left it to look for Barkeepers Friend in the hardware department.

An eager Walmart summer employee swept up what they assumed to be an abandoned cart, and returned all her items to the shelves.

As if this wasn't bad enough, she got home with little time to spare before her dinner guests arrived to find the gas tank she purchased did not fit the gas grill.

Do all roads lead to Walmart? I mean, if God wants us to be Creatures of Spirit, and rise above the flesh, why did He give us bodies that have to clothed, fed, and cooked on things made in China?

Guess I'll take the grill and the ill-fitting propane tank back today, and see what His Will for me is.