My theory is that all ads on Craigslist are really personal ads. I got this idea when I offered a free camera battery and a guy showed up who didn’t seem to know the model number of his camera and who seemed faintly disappointed when I answered the door. He also seemed to expect to be invited in. This theory was recently reinforced when a friend sent me the following ad for a staff reporter:
We are looking for individuals who love adventure and travel; individuals who are “up for anything” and ready to explore. This full time position requires extensive travel but with meaningful, paid, rest time back in NYC.
We are looking for reporters who
- Will travel to exotic locations – in this role you will be travelling up to 70% of the time
- Have an extremely strong work ethic
- Are charming – your friends consider you to be someone who can talk their way into anything
- BA Degree or higher in English, History, Political Science or other writing intensive disciplines. Graduate degree in Journalism or Creative Writing a plus
- A minimum of 2 years professional writing experience
- Ability to write clear, concise, and accurate reviews
My friend thought this was me. So I wrote them:
I am interested in talking with you about your staff reporter position. For years I was paid to travel the world by Life magazine and then by People Magazine. I have climbed (part way up) Everest and canoed a bit of the Amazon. I don’t always like the food (yak butter tea in Tibet and sheep eyeballs in Kyrgystan come to mind, along with some memorably yukky mush in Ghana), but I almost always like the people I meet.
I retired from People at 50 as a writer-at-large, and I still travel. I most recently went to Singapore for an exhibition of photographs by a friend and then to Taiwan. I like traveling in Asia because I speak Chinese better than Spanish or French—which is not to say I’m fluent in any of them. I like photographers a lot, too, and have roamed with some of the best from National Geographic and the classic Life. I also now take photographs myself, as well as video, which I got interested in as a producer at Oxygen.
I like exploring the U.S., too. I’m about to take off on a road trip in my Ford pickup through Alabama, Louisiana (don’t miss the UCM Museum), and up to the Ozarks, where I have bought a tiny defunct post office in a tiny defunct town. I live in New York’s Upper White Side most of the time and off season on Block Island, where I used to have a surf shop.
But I have been talking with other journalist friends about the fact that I miss traveling with a brief. I am not a good vacationer—I have been too spoiled by years of being taken into people’s lives and writing about them. I like to work when I travel, and vacation when I come home.
No answer. I’m thinking I was not relationship material.
fair warning: on block island or manhattan or in missouri, we can be a little salty
Or they figured you were too expensive.
ReplyDeleteYes. I agree with La Otra. You should have kept it simple. You probably intimidated them.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, with all the desperate reportasauruses out there, you probably have some damn stiff competition.
Which reminds me: If its a mens doing the recruiting, you should have done the following:
1) Send them a pic of you 25 years ago. Like, one of those Hawaiian bikini shots.
2) Mentioned how you manage to "look good", even while interviewing serial-killing survivalists, by wearing make-up, a girdle and high-heels.
3) Tell them how you hope there will be a nice strong man along on your assignments to protect you.
Let me know if this works.
maybe they have no idea where the upper white side is in new york
ReplyDeletei am glad you mentioned Taiwan but it might not be helpful for your new career.
ReplyDeleteYou mean I'm supposed to be Chinacentric politically?
ReplyDeleteNo. You're supposed to want to go to bed with your colleagues during those long, meaningful, paid vacations in NYC.
ReplyDeleteWho cares if you speak Chinese like Mr. Li? What's your cup size?
Tell them you're a great cook, and one of your favourite recipies is hashish brownies.
Haven't I taught you anything?
I, like, forgot the "can talk their way into anything" requirement.
ReplyDeleteTell them how Travis wanted you to join the band.
Maybe they sent their reply to the Post Office in the Ozarks!?
ReplyDeleteC, I bet they were looking for "travel writers" probably for a budget travel book. They pay these people $25 for a write-up and not really even expenses. E
ReplyDelete