"Let me help you."
I was wrestling with the broken French door I had managed to single handedly wrest from under the house and heave into the truck. It was at its final destination: the construction debris dumpster at the town dump. I had backed the truck up so that it was a mere yard or so into the bin. Piece of cake.
But then I looked up. The man who had offered to help me was extremely handsome. He seemed to know it, too. And he had an accent. I'm a sucker for accents. I went all girlie as he threw the door into the bin.
We watched it smash.
"Hope you didn't want that," he said. "French doors are ridiculous on this island."
"But they're pretty," I said. "I'm going to put more in."
"I tell all my people out here to use fiberglass. Paint 'em up and you can't tell the difference."
"I would know," I said, thinking, yuk, fiberglass.
He flashed me a smile and I climbed into the truck. Bemused, I drove all the way home before remembering that I had neither weighed out nor paid at the dump. I had to go back. But he was gone.
I have two new sets of French doors to put in.
Maybe I should reconsider fiberglass.
Well, Cher: This is what I have to say about that. To the tune of Heart's "All I Want To Do Is Make Love to You".
ReplyDeleteI had my truck full of junk
So I drove to the dump
I pulled up to be weighed
It was raining that day
When he offered me a hand
I said "that would be grand"
We unloaded for a while
Then he flashed me a smile.
I didn't ask him his name
That handsome man in the rain
Please tell me it's right
Is this love at first sight?
Then I forgot to pay
And I just drove away
All I want to do is build a house with you
Say you will, you want me to.
All I want to do is build a house with you
And have your loving arms to hold on to
So we got out our tools
We both knew what to do.
We worked so hard that day
In a craftsmanly way
We rebuilt the floor
And replaced the french door
But in the morning when he woke
All I left him was a note.
I told him "I am the hammer, you are the nail.
Let's put up a sidewall
Let's straighten that rail.
But don't try to fix me.
Please don't you dare...
Even though my poor heart is in need of repair"
All I want to do is build a house with you.
This is god-damned near hysterical.
ReplyDeleteI want the soundtrack to this project. Though it better not have "If I had hammer..."
Ms Joile...you are a songwriter! Island love at it's best....meet and greet..build a house...then fight over it after the love dies....ain't love grand?
ReplyDeletePs...more french doors are needed....
"I told him "I am the hammer, you are the nail."
ReplyDeleteLet the pounding commence!
or the drilling
ReplyDeleteor the screwing
are there more tool (tool!) -related euphemisms?
nailing
ReplyDelete